Jeans

Blue jeans are the most beautiful things since the gondola. - Diana Vreeland

 I wish I had invented blue jeans. They have expression, modesty, sex appeal, simplicity - all I hope for in my clothes. - Yves Saint Laurent

I have a favorite pair of jeans that I have a love/hate relationship with.  I hadn't tried on those jeans in a while.  The first time I tried them on this year was January.  The weather was chilly and I needed to wear jeans so I decided I would attempt to wear my favorites.  Much to my chagrin, they didn't button or zip.  They weren't gaping open but still, point is, they weren't wearable.   I got annoyed and threw the jeans into a dark corner of my closet where I couldn't see them.  The hate part of the relationship was in full swing.

February rolled around and as I was organizing my closet, I found them.  I pulled the balled up denim out of the corner, shook them out and tried them on.  They zipped and buttoned but they were tight. I had more than a muffin top. It was like a giant wad of bread dough had been wrapped around my midsection. It was puffed out over the waistband and there was no disguising it even with a big sweater over the top.  I tried to look at the positive - at least they closed this time - but again, unwearable.  I hung up the jeans and forgot about them...until this past Wednesday.

I was going to a co-working luncheon and wanted to wear jeans.  I opened my closet door and rifled through to see what I had.  Nothing seemed right for my outing.  That's when I saw THEM peeking out from behind some dresses.

Reluctantly, I pulled the jeans off of the hanger and held them out in front of me. I pursed my lips and thought "what the hell".  Expecting a repeat of the January or February fittings, I slipped my legs in, slowly zipped and buttoned.  I was surprised and had to double check to make sure I got THE pair from the closet.  No sucking in of the gut; no laying on the bed to zip 'em.  They fit.  Not only did they fit, they were loose.  And better still, I wore them with a tank top...and had no roll over . Major progress! It was pretty exciting.  I strutted my jean covered butt into that restaurant and felt pretty damn good.  I was in love again.  

The coolest part is that I haven't starved myself to make it happen.  There has been no deprivation, insane workouts or long miles.  It's getting done with consistent, moderate activity combined with eating clean and healthy.  I believe the biggest factor has been that I am eating unprocessed foods.  Very few prepackaged, prepared foods make it into my house.  Cooking at home helps me to know what is in the meal I'm eating.  No surprises or weird things I can't pronounce and it's making a difference.  It's all in the jeans!

Happy Trails!

Valeka

Running On Heavy's First Blogiversary!!!

Today is such a special day!  A year ago today, I got up the nerve to tell my story of weight and fitness struggles to the world.  I made the conscious decision when I started Running On Heavy to not sugar-coat anything I shared and to put my embarrassments aside.  I thought perhaps my posts could be a beacon of positivity in a world that tells us that being heavy means we are lazy, sedentary, ineffective and hopeless. I like to think that my blog has succeeded in being that to all of it's readers.

What I have received in return as a result of putting myself out there has been immeasurable.  My little blog has taken me on an amazing journey and has brought me to an exciting new place in my life.  Thank you all for your continued support, words of encouragement, and for helping me to do what I love most.  I am forever grateful.

I look forward to many more adventure-filled years with you guys! 

Hugs to you all!
Valeka

Reality Therapy

Illusions commend themselves to us because they save us pain and allow us to enjoy pleasure instead.  We must therefore accept it without complaint when they sometimes collide with a bit of reality against which they are dashed to pieces.  ~Sigmund Freud

I didn't buy my running shoes as planned this week but after seeing this picture, I set aside the idea of my old shoes being haunted (although I still think they are).  I decided to exorcise the demons attached to them by looking at this picture every single day.  It motivated me to get off of my ass and MOVE.  

This is an image that I rediscovered online this week.  My dear friend "E" that has been helping me on my weight loss journey posted this to his Facebook page a month ago and it left an impression on me.  I just happened to come across it again this week and it has kept me on the straight and narrow.  The image on the left is of a 250 pound woman.  The image on the right is that of a healthy 120 pound woman.  Clearly there are major differences between the two.  The joints have been distorted by the weight they are bearing.  There is fat around all of the organs and the heart is enlarged.  And that's just what we can see from this picture.  There are likely to be other things going on that aren't outwardly visible.  All very scary stuff.  

I am working hard to look like the image on the right.  I'm eating healthy and getting out for exercise daily.  Looking at the "bad" picture made me wonder how long a body can sustain that level of pressure on the joints and heart.  But the truth is, I don't want to find out.  

It really doesn't take more than some daily walks and healthy eating to get back on track.  You don't have to run marathons.  You don't have to get a personal trainer or join a gym.  The changes are simple.  Don't overcomplicate things by thinking that you need fancy gadgets and work out gear to start making yourself healthy.  It's so NOT the case at all.  But you can't do NOTHING and expect to be healthy.  Now, I will say that I have some "smaller" friends that I can easily run circles around even at my weight because they smoke, don't eat healthy, drink alcohol in excess.  I'm sure a picture of their innards wouldn't look like the picture on the left BUT they are mistreating their bodies just as much as someone who eats a Big Mac every day.  

So, boys and girls, the moral of the story is.....take care of yourself.  Do what you have to do to keep yourself healthy and fit.  And if you aren't healthy and fit right now, get there.  No excuses.  No complaining.  No living in denial.  Facing that reality is the biggest gift you can give yourself and those you love.

Happy Trails,

Valeka

Mass Quantities

Gluttony is the source of all our infirmities, and the fountain of all our diseases. As a lamp is choked by a superabundance of oil, a fire extinguished by excess of fuel, so is the natural health of the body destroyed by intemperate diet. - Robert Burton

My Saturday started like many others - sleep in a little bit, take the dogs out, have a cup of tea.  I checked in with one of my besties to see what she was up to for lunch.  She mentioned that she and her daughter were discussing where to go for lunch.  Her daughter wanted to go to Golden Corral and, although my friend wasn't a huge fan of the place, asked if my BFF and I would like to meet them there.  I've never been much for buffets (I always picture little kids wiping the snot from their nose and then handling the food with their sticky hands) but since BFF and I hadn't been to a Golden Corral before, we agreed to give it a try.  And I am glad that we did but not for the reasons you may think.

It was literally a corral.  Upon entering the restaurant, the first thing we noticed was that everyone was being "herded" through the line to get our drinks and pay and then to another "holding" area where we were asked to wait for a table to be made available for us.  As we made our way through the restaurant, I couldn't help but notice the people that were there.  Most were obese (many, morbidly so) and had children who were on their way to being obese.  By the time we arrived at our table, I was already wondering why I was there.  I was surrounded by statistics and, on paper, I was one of them.  We set our drinks on our table and off we went to the buffet.  There were different sections of the buffet for different types of food: Mexican, Chinese, Italian, standard American fare (meatloaf, burgers, etc.), seafood, salads and desserts (including a chocolate fountain.  I did indulge in the chocolate fountain but to my credit, I only had two very small items from there and didn't finish the second item).  As we made our way through the buffet, my bestie pointed out how no one was at the salad bar.  I turned to look and sure enough, no line at all at the salad bar but looking around at the patrons, it didn't surprise me.

I saw large men and women carrying multiple plates at a time piled high with various fried foods.  I did also see some thinner people eating the same foods and for a moment I thought that they must not eat there often because they weren't overweight.  Then I reminded myself that just because they were thin didn't mean they were healthy.  They could be just as nutritionally deficient as an overweight person.  Remember - eating a lot of food doesn't mean you are nourishing your body properly.  Most mass quantity/processed foods do not contain the necessary vitamins and minerals to maintain a healthy body.  I was tempted to take pictures of the buffet lines for my blog but didn't feel it was appropriate to do so.  Goodness knows I wouldn't want my picture taken if I were eating a week's worth of calories at one meal.  You will just have to trust me when I say that it was all so much.  

On our way home, BFF said something that I thought summed it all up.  She said "there is so much food there that it makes you want to keep eating until you pop."  And I realized, she's right.  That's the point of restaurants like that - it's a lot of food and it's extremely cheap.  The mass quantity food is loaded with sugar, salt and chemicals and it is addictive.  For $8, an adult can go in and eat as much as they want from the buffet.  But, in the end, what does it REALLY cost?  Diabetes medication.  High blood pressure medication.  Achy joints.  Body fat percentages well above what is considered to be safe and healthy.

It was a very eye-opening experience.  Although the buffet experience is an extremely rare one for me, I do eat out and admittedly, I don't always make the best decisions when selecting from a menu.  I did get a very large salad and ate it before I ate my chicken tender, one mini slider burger (didn't eat it all) and single slice of cheese pizza.  I ate a sliver of a rice krispie treat covered in chocolate, half a macaroon covered in chocolate and some sugar free strawberry jello.  That was it.  I made one trip through the buffet line and I am proud of myself for that.  Yes, my food selections could have been better and I know that.  My lesson learned was that I do NOT want to be someone who allows food to take over my life.  I don't want to be the fat girl in the restaurant with three heaping plates sitting in front of me.  The thing that tasted the best to me was my salad.  It tasted fresh and crisp and delicious.  I didn't have to wipe grease off of my mouth with every bite.

So, my vow to myself to cook more at home is certainly a good one for my health!  The fact that I will be able to control what goes into the food I make gives me a tremendous sense of relief.  No servings of mass proportion needed.  Needless to say, I was very happy to eat my carrots and celery as an evening snack. 

Happy Trails!

Valeka

Merry Christmas!

Christmas is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it's Christmas. - Dale Evans

What a year it has been!  So many ups and downs, highs and lows, good and bad....I'll stop there because I'm sure you can see where I'm going with that thought.  I am immensely grateful for all of the wonderful things I have been fortunate enough to have in my life this year but it's easy to be thankful for the good things.  This year, I am also happy that I was blessed with some not so good things.  I view the "not so good things" as things to be thankful for as well because they are lessons and opportunities for growth.  When things are easy, we don't really learn as much but when things are tough, we have to get tougher to overcome them.

As you all know, one of my biggest challenges this year has been my struggle with weight loss.  This gift in disguise has taught me a lot about myself and about others.  I have learned that while I am having problems getting the pounds to drop (and according to my scale, I have lost a little over a pound since my last post - YAY me!!) I am very fortunate to have been given the gift of friends who are supportive and can offer insight into why it's been difficult for me to lose the weight.  What a gift that has been!

I have also received the gift of awesome blog followers.  You all have been so caring and supportive and I am so blessed to have you all as part of my little world.  One of the reasons I started this blog was to help others that are going through the same health/weight struggles as I am know that they are not alone.  I like to think that my gift to you has been honesty, truth and hope through my postings.

Cherish the many gifts you have been given but most of all, extend those blessings to others.  That is the ultimate display of love.  Merry Christmas!!!   

Happy Trails!

Valeka  

Taking Steps

I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward. - Thomas Alva Edison

The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs...one step at a time. - Joe Girard

It's been a month since I have started the new health plan that my friend E helped set up for me.  While the process has been slow, things are moving along.  So far, the scale is reading 5 pounds less than when I started, my clothes fit better and my energy level is up.  Who would have thought that high quality supplements could make such a big difference in how I feel!  Of course, I would like to be back to a size 10 YESTERDAY but I know that I must be patient.  Afterall, the weight didn't come on overnight.

One thing that I am focusing on is the number of steps I'm walking rather than mileage.  That's a big adjustment for me after years of counting miles.  My brain keeps wanting to convert the steps into miles.  The problem with doing that is that it makes me focus too much on what I'm NOT doing instead of the fact that I am at least doing SOMETHING.  I'm a runner at heart and walking only feels like, well, a cop out.  I'm doing all the pre-workout things I used to do when I would run - same clothes, same socks and shoes, same safety light if I go out at night and I pound the same sidewalks and trails.  A part of me feels sad that I'm not running but I try to squash those thoughts and tell myself that what I am doing will help me get back into running shape.  Baby steps.  The weight needs to come off so that I can run safely (I've only had one running injury and I would like to keep it that way).  

I'm happy that I'm taking steps to reclaim my health and my body.  So far, so good and it hasn't been painful which is a huge plus.  I'm not measuring food but I am being mindful of what I eat in terms of quality.  I pop a few vitamin and mineral tablets a couple of times a day and I have my protein shakes.  And I am walking and moving as much as possible.  Couldn't be easier!  While I'm not running (yet!!!), I know that taking small steps will pay off in the end so I am gonna keep on keeping on.  I'm worth it.

Happy Trails!

Valeka  

Baggage

“There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth...not going all the way, and not starting.” - Buddha

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.” - Seneca, Roman philosopher 

This week, I let go of a lot of baggage.  I felt that it was necessary for me to clean house in order for me to be completely prepared for my new health program.  I let go of ideas that were hindering me and I thanked people for things that they needed to be thanked for (as we all know, one person's "no" is another person or opportunity's "YES").  As it turns out, doing so has given me the additional motivation I needed to do what I have to do for me.  It's amazing how freeing it is to let go of all of the things that hold us back - people, ideas, our old unhealthy bodies, etc.  Holding on to these things do nothing but limit us.  Bind us.  Restrain us.  It's something that we are all guilty of doing to ourselves and it isn't healthy for us.  Think about your life and the things that cause you stress or needlessly monopolize your time.  Be honest with yourself about those things that need to go away, and toss them out.   

I am ready to begin my new health program with a renewed sense of enthusiasm and excitement for myself.  I received a confirmation email that my supplements have been ordered and are being shipped to me.  That email made me smile and produced butterflies in my tummy.  I know it's going to be a fabulous ride for me and I am anxious to get started.  I found my old pedometer in my bedroom drawer and pulled that out to use beginning on Monday (gotta start counting my steps!).  I have new projects in the works that are bringing me joy and I have the most wonderful, supportive friends and family a girl could ever hope to have.  All in all, life is pretty darn good.  Great things are on the horizon and I am thrilled that you all will be along for the journey.

Happy Trails!

Valeka  

Something New

It's essential to keep an open mind, and to be willing - better yet, eager - to try new things - Michael Abrash

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there - Will Rogers

This week, I had the pleasure of meeting up with an old friend ("E") that I haven't seen since high school (trust me when I say it has been a while!).  It was a wonderful visit and I am so happy to have reconnected with him after so long.  We talked about how we are going through a similar transition in life and how sometimes we need to let go of the things that bind us or keep us from being our authentic selves.  He recently left his job and is now doing what he is passionate about - helping others get fit and healthy.  

Our conversation turned to me and my health, my weight gain and my lack of exercise.  I mentioned how there are several things "binding" me right now and one of them is my body.  We discussed how after doing all the half marathon and marathon training I felt burnt out and took time off.  My time away from running was only supposed to be for 4 months but it has now turned into 2+ years.  I told him that I DO exercise but I am far from consistent.  We talked about my eating habits which, overall, weren't too terrible but we agreed that I do need to limit the eating out.  E could hear that I was making an effort to get healthy.  He knows that I am anxious to get back to my regular athletic self but understands that I don't want to have to run 50 miles a week to maintain it because, as I have proven to myself in the past, it's not something I can sustain.  Now, I still want to run an ultramarathon at some point because it's something that I have dreamt of doing but I know that the level of training needed is not something I can realistically continue for a prolonged period of time.  Long story short, E is going to help me make the changes in my diet and supplement intake to get my weight down (because he believes that I am vitamin/mineral deficient and that is causing my body to not lose weight as it should.  I kinda suspected that or a thyroid issue.  A thyroid check is on my to-do list).  

I'm very excited about this new program because I think it will help me and that it will alleviate a lot of the frustrations I have with my body not being able to perform as I would like it to.  One thing he did say that I was not too thrilled about was....we are going to limit the running at the beginning of the program.  He wants me to do lots of walking although he did okay running perhaps once a week.  In all honesty, these days I am lucky to even be able to run 3-4 miles continuously so I guess cutting back isn't a big deal.  The idea that there is going to be a limitation set on the running felt like a jab to my heart though.  We are setting this up so that it's not a chore or inconvenient for me.  When I was training my hardest, my life was monopolized by running and if I wasn't running, I was cooking and prepping foods for the week (strict diet).  I had to be very disciplined and organized.  The level of commitment I had was pretty impressive, if I do say so myself, but I missed out on life while I was doing that.  I don't want being healthy/fit and having a life to be an either or thing and E totally gets that.  The plan he is putting together for me is all about moderation, simplicity and balance.  I like the sound of that and I can't wait to get started.  A glimmer of hope!

Happy Trails!

Valeka 

Road Tested - Traditional Medicinal Organic Lemon Echinacea Throat Coat Tea

I know, it's not exactly a running related item but I woke up this morning with a killer sore throat and this tea helps me tremendously.  And I don't want to skip my wog today so I am trying to get the throat situation cleared up as quickly as I can.  I use Traditional Medicinal teas (http://www.traditionalmedicinals.com/) for alleviating a multitude of maladies - upset tummy, digestive issues, headaches, stuffy nose, etc.  I like their products because they are organic and many of their products are fair-trade certified.  Throat Coat tea helps to alleviate that raw feeling in my throat thanks to the slippery elm and licorice in the tea.  Hoping the tea helps me this morning so I can get out on the trail this afternoon.  The lemon/echinacea variety has a little extra oomph behind it to stave off any additional cooties that could be lurking (echinacea helps as an immune system booster).  It's not the best tasting stuff in the world but if you add a little honey to it, it is much easier to drink.  Give this tea a try if you run into any throat issues this season.  It's pretty helpful!

Happy Trails!
Valeka     

Seeing The Light

Put a candle in the window, but I feel I’ve got to move.  Though I’m going, going, I’ll be coming home soon, ‘long as I can see the light - John C. Fogerty, “Long As I Can See The Light”
 

I  mentioned in a previous blog post ("Because I Can") that my BFF's father had been dealing with some health ailments.  Sadly, he succumbed to those maladies this past Friday after battling them for the past couple of years.  This is a man that, in his prime,  was very active and loved engaging in outdoor activities -things ranging from hiking to fishing to swimming to hunting.  He loved it all.  For most of his life, BFF's dad was healthy and took care to maintain that health.  He didn't drink alcohol or smoke and in all the years that I knew him, I never once saw him overweight.  Unfortunately for some, no matter how much they try to take care and be mindful of what is needed to be healthy, genetics are difficult to overcome.  

This has made me think more about how amazingly fragile life is and how quickly one untreated health problem can snowball into a big issue if not promptly taken care of.  I am making efforts to take better care of myself but I do see that I can do more and try harder.  One can always make improvements.  I also worry about my parents and my friends.  BFF has a family history of diabetes and heart problems.  Another dear friend of mine has a similar history in his family and he is now beginning to take baby steps towards improving his overall health.  And then, there is my family.  Dad's side has been blessed with overall good health and have lived long lives.  My paternal grandmother was extremely overweight and was diabetic but she was an exception on his side of the family.  My mother's side has a long history of heart problems - high blood pressure, strokes, heart attacks - you name it.   That scares me.  Actually, it terrifies me.  I go through periods where it is on my mind quite often and others when I try to ignore it.  But losing someone so close because of a miriad of health issues is a significant smack in the face for me.  And I know that it is for BFF, too.  

I guess because she and I are young-ish, we still retain a little bit of the notion that we are invincible.  We have now begun to realize that we aren't kids anymore.  If we don't take care of ourselves now and make the changes we need to, our futures could be like her Dad's.  And we don't want that for ourselves.  And I don't want that for my family and friends.  I want to do everything I possibly can to help my loved ones help themselves to improve and maintain their quality of life.  And I want to do whatever I can to help my readers, too.  If that means revealing some deeply personal struggles to you guys, then I will do it.  My hope is that my actions and words will help someone else.

This week, in honor of BFF's dad, I will do a few trail wogs while listening to some Creedence Clearwater Revival (one of his favorite bands) on my Ipod.  And I will help those that I care about to take care of themselves.  I think that is what he would want.

Happy Trails,

Valeka 

Donut

When you consider yourself valuable you will take care of yourself in all ways that are necessary. - M. Scott Peck

Revere the body and care for it, for it is a temple. - Swami Muktananda

I have been fortunate enough (for the most part) to have people in my life who have been encouraging and have given me the foundation I need to have good self-esteem.  Normally, I feel pretty comfortable in my own skin regardless of whether I am a size 10 or a size 26.  I have never allowed my size or weight to define who I am or what I can do.  Despite that confidence, there is one part of my body that I really detest, loathe and consider to be my nemesis - my "donut".  The area below my belly button and above my hips is what I consider to be my donut.  The skin there is loose and squishy and no matter how hard I have tried to eliminate it, it will not return to it's pre-donut state.  Yeah, there is still some fat there but it's mostly just an eye sore for me.  I am by no means a skinny girl but I am fairly content with my body overall - minus the donut.  If I could magically make it disappear by using a special cream, potion or pill, I would do it without hesitation.  There are a couple reasons that I call this area my donut.  The first reason is because I'm sure that eating donuts (although I didn't eat them regularly) contributed to my enormous weight gain several years ago and secondly, because it looks like big donut around my lower belly.  I chatted with a friend about cosmetic surgery earlier this week and I mentioned that while I have never been a big enthusiast, I have been considering it to rid myself of this thing.  Removing the donut would help me in terms of my ability to be more active (because the donut does bounce significantly when I run and it can be very uncomfortable.  I know, not a pretty visual). And, well, it would just make me look better although that is not my primary reason for considering the procedure.  Of course, I would be lying if I said that I haven't envisioned myself without the donut wearing more clingy clothing or, dare I say it, a bikini again. 

Now, I have tried many times to come to terms with the donut.  I have tried to convince myself that it is something of a battle scar from the years when I abused my body by eating things that were bad for me and allowed myself to become sedentary.  On the other hand, removing it would give me a new lease on my active life.  Once the procedure is done, I won't stop working out and eating healthy.  I am at an age where I now comprehend that in order to ensure my quality of life down the road, staying on a healthful path is necessary.  It's now or never and that resonates loud and clear for me.  Unfortunately, running mile after mile will not make the bane of my existence go away.  If training for a marathon didn't shrink it into oblivion, then it's not likely to go away no matter how much exercise I do.  And that realization frustrates me.  I do plan on losing some more weight before I have it done (because I WILL have it done) and there will be a scar where the donut once was.  I'm not sure what my feelings about the surgical scar will be when I finally get the procedure done.  I like to think that I will look at the scar as a reminder of how I should NOT treat my body for the second half of my life.  I have a lot of living left to do and I want to be the best "me" I can possibly be while living it.  And that means.....saying goodbye and good riddance to the donut.  And, of course, no more stops at Krispy Kreme.  

Happy Trails!

Valeka  

Dress

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. - Buddha


It's been rather hectic lately and, unfortunately, hectic in my world means little to no time for exercise.  Don't get me wrong, I have been doing a little exercise here and there but nothing that is going to make me a size 10 again.  I have had the pleasure of hitting Town Lake a couple of times over the last few weeks with a new but awesome friend and we have had some wonderful talks.  Our hour walk flies right by!  I have missed my Monday post-work runs with my other friend Jen but I hope we can resume those soon (those runs really make me test my limits in this heat!).  I have been taking my big puppy for more walks although they have been short ones because the weather is so incredibly hot and I don't want her to overheat. Luckily there is a greenbelt trail behind my home that is fairly shaded so we are able to do some nice little walks during the day.

One of the things that has taken a lot of my time lately is finding a dress for a special event I'm attending.  I want to look beautiful and have had an image in my mind of exactly what I would like to wear but couldn't find just the right dress on any of my outings.  And, of course, I am carrying extra weight that makes the shopping even more challenging.  Things fit in one area of my body but not another.  Or the style was awesome and fit me well but the color was not flattering on me.  Or one size was too small, my size was out of stock and the next size up was just too large.  I felt like giving up and rocking a mu-mu with some heels instead.  I did manage to find what I like to call an "emergency dress" that I could wear in case I wasn't able to find something else.  Ladies, you know what I'm talking about - the little black dress that you can wear for every occasion but it doesn't quite knock your socks off (although there ARE some little black dresses that DO look amazing, the one that I bought was okay).  I convinced myself that I could dazzle it up with some great accessories and that I would look all right although just looking "all right" was so far removed from what I initially hoped for.  I chastised myself for not being more consistent with workouts and healthy eating and skipping breakfast.  "This is what you get", I thought to myself as I returned the last rejected dress to the fitting room attendant.  

I took a break from the shopping nightmare to get my hair cut and styled which did help to give my esteem a much needed boost.  I felt pretty even if it was only from the neck up for the time being.  Feeling revitalized, I decided that I would give the dress search one last try.  I walked into the final store expecting another let down but there it was - a tastefully sexy dress that fit me beautifully and gave me that oomph I needed.  I had to make sure there was nothing wrong with the dress because it would have broken my heart to find THE ONE only to see that it had a broken zipper or a tear or snag.  I paid for it and left feeling immense relief.  I started thinking that this shopping fiasco was all because I wasn't taking proper care of myself and that if I had just continued on my path and not deviated, things would be fine and I wouldn't have had to go to a bazillion different places to find a dress.  And then I stopped myself.  I was beating myself up for falling off the wagon.  True, I should have been more careful and stayed on track but the negative thoughts were not going to make me feel better and they certainly weren't going to motivate me.  Months ago I made a promise to be kinder to myself and banishing those thoughts goes hand in hand with that.  While I did have to spend Friday evening and the better part of my Saturday searching for a dress, I did find one.  And I love it.  I got to see myself looking pretty freakin' awesome (if I do say so myself) and I want that to be one factor that motivates me.  Sure being healthy and fit are my true motivations but, quite frankly, I just want to look good and there is nothing wrong with that.  Use what you have to to keep yourself motivated.  And never forget that you are beautiful even if it takes you a while to see it. 

Happy Trails,
Valeka  

Toxic

It's choice - not chance - that determines your destiny.  - Jean Nidetch (founder of Weight Watchers)

So far, I'm doing pretty well with sticking to the healthier eating and regular work outs.  The last couple of weeks have been challenging but I am doing the best I can.  The temptation for a burger came up several times during the week but I resisted (and as you know, I am a total burger gal).  I did allow myself some nachos to celebrate my heritage on Cinco de Mayo although I didn't even finish half of a half order.  I can say with a smile that I am proud of myself for doing so well!  YAY ME!!

During my walk the next day, I recalled how I use to eat poorly every day.  Nachos weren't just a "special occassion" food.  I use to think nothing of a morning stop at the "Arches" to pick up a fat and sugar laden breakfast on my way to work.  That would be followed by hours sitting at my desk and a lunch consisting of a greasy burger and fries that was delivered to me in a brown oil-stained paper bag (and we must not forget the addition of a large, corn syrup filled drink).  Dinner would have been anything from pizza to fried chicken tenders with gravy to another burger.  Yes, my friends, I was turning my body into a toxic dumping ground.

As I trodded on, I thought about our strange and disfunctional attraction to all things toxic.  We smoke, drink, eat poorly, stay in bad relationships, etc., knowing that these things are toxic to our wellbeing.  Trust me, I am not above this.  Goodness knows I've done my fair share of toxic things.  We take terrible care our bodies and souls but expect them to serve us without fail.  You know the saying about our bodies being a temple?  It's true.  Treat your body well and it will return the favor by giving you years of good health and longevity.  Treat it like it's a place to retain rubbish and that's what you end up with in a few years - a wasteland filled with the reminders of bad eating and abuse.  Think about it - would you want to live in a home full of trash and filth?  No?  Then why would you ever want to treat your body like it's a landfill?

The way I look at it is, right now, I'm sending a mini haz-mat team into my body in the form of fruits, veggies and whole grains to clean up the toxic waste I have subjected my body to over the past few years.  I visualize the little haz-mat guys inside of me eliminating inflammation and bad cholestrol while scrubbing all of the cells in my body clean.  During my daily runs or walks, I imagine that my sweat is the noxious run-off from the cleansing going on inside of me.  I can see and feel many improvements over the last couple of months that I attribute to my healthier choices.  Aside from losing a few pounds, I have more energy, my skin is more vibrant and I sleep more soundly at night.  I don't get as stressed or as edgy during a crazy day at work.  Who would have thought that choosing a bowl of berries instead of a bowl of ice cream could make so much of a difference?

Eliminating the toxicity in our lives is never easy because, as we all know, old habits die hard.  But we are all about moving forward and to do that, we must leave our poisonous pasts and habits behind.  Easier said than done, I know, but keep taking baby steps towards tossing the bad stuff and make a conscious effort to embrace the good.  Don't freak out if you have a small set back because they do happen.  Forgive yourself for it and then get right back on the path.  Show yourself some love.   

Happy Trails,
Valeka

Because I Can

Run fast for your mother and fast for your father
Run for your children for your sisters and brothers
Leave all your love and your longing behind you
Can't carry it with you if you want to survive

-"Dog Days Are Over"  - Florence and the Machine

It's too hot.  I'm too tired.  I'm too heavy.  I don't have time.  There is an Operation Repo marathon on TV tonight. We all come up with excuses about why we can't work out but whatever the excuse may be, it is rarely a good enough reason to not get in some form of exercise.  Yes, there are times when it is necessary to skip a work out but legitimate reasons are pretty few and far between.

This week has been a particularly difficult one for my BFF.  Lots of traveling and worry and very little sleep while still trying to be present at work.  Her father is experiencing a host of health maladies and has been in the hospital for much of the week in ICU.  Saturday morning, I debated whether or not to go for a run because it was an incredibly hot and humid Texas morning and I felt lazy.  I mulled it over and decided to stay in the comfort of my air conditioned home with my pups.  No sooner had I made that decision when I received a text message from BFF letting me know that her dad was going to undergo bypass surgery on Monday morning.  After I got over the initial shock of that, I retracted my earlier decision, put on my running gear and went for a run BECAUSE I COULD.

While I was out running with my dog, my thoughts drifted to all of the people that have been a part of my life that did not have the good health or physical strength to be able to run.  I thought about my paternal grandmother who was extremely overweight (I would say obese but I know she would be offended by that) and got exhausted walking from the living room to her bedroom.  She couldn't lift her legs when she walked and would instead, shuffle her feet.  I thought about my maternal grandmother who had such severe rheumatoid arthritis that she was bedridden.  My grandmothers would not have been able to work out the way that I can.  I thought about friends that I have with health issues that impairs their ability to run the way that I am able to.  I even thought about people that I have seen at the various races I have participated in that are in wheelchairs and how they don't let that keep them from doing what they love.  I thought about my grandfather who was healthy for much of his life and walked every day to the local post office to pick up his mail after dinner. I thought of how he would not have thought twice about whether or not to go out for a walk.  He would have told me to keep running BECAUSE I CAN.  He was blessed with good health and he didn't take that for granted.  None of us with good health should ever take it for granted.  

Enjoy your body and the wonderful things it can do.  Run.  Hike.  Swim.  Bike.  Dance. Yoga.  Do whatever it is that you love doing to keep your body healthy BECAUSE YOU CAN.

Happy Trails,
Valeka

Progress

Our ambition should be to rule ourselves, the true kingdom for each one of us; and true progress is to know more, and be more, and to do more.  - Oscar Wilde

Eventually, after we spend enough time eating and working out like we should, we start to see some small but encouraging signs of progress - we don't get winded walking to the mailbox, it's easier to bend to tie our shoes, our pants are looser. This should be exciting for us so why do we find ourselves thinking that what we have done isn't good enough? Too often we shrug our shoulders in dismissal at the things we have done because we don’t think they are so great. We dwell on the fact that even though we have lost 3 pounds, we still have 47 more pounds to lose to meet our goal. We wait for others to be our champions and give validity to our actions when we should do that for ourselves. We become our own worst enemy and harshest critic. I'm guilty of this. I find it very hard to accept praise or compliments from others. I find it difficult to give MYSELF kudos for my achievements and victories so I find it hard to believe that anyone else would do otherwise but - no more. I promised to be kinder to myself and that is a promise I intend to keep. There is no reason why we shouldn't pat ourselves on the back if we just walked 2 miles for the first time or if the lettering on the front of our favorite t-shirt isn't stretched out anymore - those are big deals! Enjoy the feeling!! Celebrate it!!

I think back to all of the races I have done and the praise I received for doing them. The only person that didn't praise me was ME. All I could think of was that I wasn't fast enough, my strides were too choppy and that I got passed up by a lot of people. Even though only a few short months earlier I wasn’t able to run far, I didn't allow myself to enjoy my victories (and in my mind, finishing a race IS a victory). I couldn't give myself credit for the remarkable progress I had made and I found it unfathomable that anyone else would find what I had done to be impressive. That is now in the past. That's why I post my daily mileage for all the world to see. I am proud of the miles I am racking up no matter how small they may be because each of the miles represents progress - progress of action and progress of thought. All of the miles are significant because they are miles that are getting me closer to my ultimate goal of running a 50-mile race (yep, I'm a bit of a masochist). Each mile represents my choice to not sit around and be unhealthy. Each mile symbolizes my decision to do something rather than nothing. Each mile is a step in the right direction and we are all about moving forward, right?

So this week, say a big “hell yeah” when you do something you didn’t think you could do. Smile and accept praise or compliments that are given to you and know that you are worthy of the accolades you receive. But most importantly, believe in yourself.  Be proud of yourself and your decision to stay on the path to a healthier you. Now, lace up your shoes and get out there to show the world what amazing things you can do.

Happy Trails,
Valeka


   

Running Around

"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" - Benjamin Franklin


Have you ever had one of those days where you run from work to pickup kids or fur babies (one of mine goes to daycare - yes, daycare for dogs but that's a story for another time), then run to the grocery store, then run to the pharmacy, then run to meet friends, and then.....you run out of steam?  You have no motivation to run much less cook dinner.  Most of us have busy lives and find it challenging to work out and eat well while juggling hectic schedules.  This is when we take a tumble down that all too familiar slippery slope and end up rolling smack into those golden arches and ultimately landing on the sofa to watch a junky reality show.  Goodness knows it happens to me (remember my pizza encounter last Monday?).  Running around sometimes keeps us from doing something that is very important - taking care of ourselves.  So what do you do to keep this from happening?   

The best solution I have found is to plan ahead.  I try to plan out meals (lunch AND dinner) the previous week.  I will be honest with you, it's a pain and requires lots of organization but boy does it help out during the week!  I wash, chop and package veggies during the weekend.  I split containers of Greek yogurt into individual portions.  I cook chicken breasts ahead of time and pack them away so they are ready for post-run meals and/or lunches.  I even make a batch of oatmeal the night before so that in the morning, it just needs to be warmed and some fresh fruit added.  Trust me - the moment I deviate from this plan, pizzas get ordered or burgers get picked up at drive-through windows.  Why?  because those foods are CONVENIENT.  Chopping broccoli is NOT convenient; french fries ARE convenient.  That's why drive-throughs, take out and delivery have become our "frenemy".   Let's face it, there are going to be times when we have no other option but to order something at the local greasy spoon because we are too busy to chop six different veggies, steam rice or cook a piece of salmon.  We just need to try our hardest to not make that a habit - again.  Running requires a lot of energy and as we learned in science class, calories = energy.  If we follow that line of thinking, then a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese and fries should give us TONS of energy for our run, right?  Wrong, wrong, wrong!  Running requires clean burning fuel and junk food is far from clean. If you want to be able to have a productive run (or insert your exercise of choice here), it's important to watch your diet.  I am very proud to say that I have been doing this for the last couple of weeks (unfortunate pizza encounter aside) and feel SUCH an improvement in my energy level.

Finding time for work outs can be tough, too.  Back in the old days, my brother and I use to be out at 4:30 AM to run before I had to be at work at 7AM.  It was insanely early but he and I both knew that if we didn't do it then, we probably wouldn't run after work because we would be so pooped we would just lay around like slugs.  I'm not saying that you should get up that early but I did find that getting my workout in before my day started helped to get things going in the right direction.  An added bonus was that I didn't have to worry about squeezing in a run at the end of the day if something unexpected came up.  My best friend, on the other hand, prefers to run in the evening.  She has said that she feels like she is letting go of all the crap that happened during the day if she runs after work.  There is no right or wrong time to run or work out, do what works best for you, but by all means do SOMETHING.  Even if you take a quick thirty minute walk during your lunch break, it's better than skipping a work out. The point is to have more work out days per week than non-work out days.  That's gonna make all the difference in the world and help you reach your fitness goals.  

So this week, be kind to yourself, eat well and get in a few walks if you aren't able to hit the gym.  You are worth the extra effort.


Happy Trails,
Valeka

Direction

"An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion" - Newton's First Law of Motion

"Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that." - Lewis Carroll, Through The Looking-Glass

This was my first week back to reestablishing my habits of healthy eating and consistent running.  I don't run right now as much as I "wog" (half walk and half jog) but at least I am making my body move.  I'm really not up to speed (no pun intended) but I know that is something that will come with time.  I fell off the wagon on my first day though - I had pizza for dinner.  I know better but I did it anyway and found myself thinking that it was okay because I had just run 3 miles.  The evil pattern had reared it's ugly head on my first day but I stayed strong and didn't give in to temptation the rest of the week.  In the past, I would never have given it a second thought and would have kept right on doing that even though it was counterproductive.  I think that is a sign of progress - a glimmer of hope.  So, YAY ME!!!  Hey, gotta celebrate the small victories because if you get enough of those, it means you are on the right path.  I am trying to be better about patting myself on the back when I do the good stuff and to not beat myself up when I mess up because, I'm human and I'm gonna mess up from time to time.  The key is to do more good stuff than not so good stuff.  Stay on the path.

One of my favorite running movies is Run Fat Boy Run.  It's a far cry from being Chariots of Fire but there's a theme in it that resonates with me - there is a difference between running toward something and running away or in the wrong direction (not all running is created equal).  There was a time in my life where I ran because I loved it and damn was it awesome (running in the right direction)!  I didn't run because I was overweight or because I was stressed.  I did it because it felt good.  When I started running a few years ago I did it because I needed to lose weight for my brother's wedding (running in the wrong direction - it was done to fit into a dress).  Once the wedding was over and bridesmaid dress was packed into the back of my closet, I relaxed and put some (fortunately not ALL) of the weight back on.  This time, my hope is that I can recapture the love I have for running AND lose weight.  I don't want it to be one or the other.  I need to run towards a healthy happy me rather than running from the weight that is holding me back.  I want to look at this from a more positive perspective.  Maybe being kinder and gentler to myself will help to keep the weight off this time.  I am the only one that can make that happen and I will do it one run at a time.    

Happy Trails,
Valeka