Donut

When you consider yourself valuable you will take care of yourself in all ways that are necessary. - M. Scott Peck

Revere the body and care for it, for it is a temple. - Swami Muktananda

I have been fortunate enough (for the most part) to have people in my life who have been encouraging and have given me the foundation I need to have good self-esteem.  Normally, I feel pretty comfortable in my own skin regardless of whether I am a size 10 or a size 26.  I have never allowed my size or weight to define who I am or what I can do.  Despite that confidence, there is one part of my body that I really detest, loathe and consider to be my nemesis - my "donut".  The area below my belly button and above my hips is what I consider to be my donut.  The skin there is loose and squishy and no matter how hard I have tried to eliminate it, it will not return to it's pre-donut state.  Yeah, there is still some fat there but it's mostly just an eye sore for me.  I am by no means a skinny girl but I am fairly content with my body overall - minus the donut.  If I could magically make it disappear by using a special cream, potion or pill, I would do it without hesitation.  There are a couple reasons that I call this area my donut.  The first reason is because I'm sure that eating donuts (although I didn't eat them regularly) contributed to my enormous weight gain several years ago and secondly, because it looks like big donut around my lower belly.  I chatted with a friend about cosmetic surgery earlier this week and I mentioned that while I have never been a big enthusiast, I have been considering it to rid myself of this thing.  Removing the donut would help me in terms of my ability to be more active (because the donut does bounce significantly when I run and it can be very uncomfortable.  I know, not a pretty visual). And, well, it would just make me look better although that is not my primary reason for considering the procedure.  Of course, I would be lying if I said that I haven't envisioned myself without the donut wearing more clingy clothing or, dare I say it, a bikini again. 

Now, I have tried many times to come to terms with the donut.  I have tried to convince myself that it is something of a battle scar from the years when I abused my body by eating things that were bad for me and allowed myself to become sedentary.  On the other hand, removing it would give me a new lease on my active life.  Once the procedure is done, I won't stop working out and eating healthy.  I am at an age where I now comprehend that in order to ensure my quality of life down the road, staying on a healthful path is necessary.  It's now or never and that resonates loud and clear for me.  Unfortunately, running mile after mile will not make the bane of my existence go away.  If training for a marathon didn't shrink it into oblivion, then it's not likely to go away no matter how much exercise I do.  And that realization frustrates me.  I do plan on losing some more weight before I have it done (because I WILL have it done) and there will be a scar where the donut once was.  I'm not sure what my feelings about the surgical scar will be when I finally get the procedure done.  I like to think that I will look at the scar as a reminder of how I should NOT treat my body for the second half of my life.  I have a lot of living left to do and I want to be the best "me" I can possibly be while living it.  And that means.....saying goodbye and good riddance to the donut.  And, of course, no more stops at Krispy Kreme.  

Happy Trails!

Valeka