“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse
Well, this week was supposed to be the beginning of my training for my upcoming half-marathon. I went to my Zumba class on Monday, took Big Baby for a long trail walk on Tuesday and then *BOOM*, it happened. I woke up on Wednesday morning with a painfully sore throat - so sore that I couldn't swallow. And then the sneezing and congestion joined the party. Needless to say, no running this week. I'm a wee bit paranoid about running when I have those symptoms because the last time I did (almost a year ago), I ended up with bronchitis which progressed into walking pneumonia. I certainly don't want to go through that again.
The cooties have led me to have another thought-filled week (and not all about running). I started to wonder why I even bother giving thought and effort to certain things in my life. Running is a prime example. It feels like the universe is testing me to see how badly I want to run - and I keep failing the test. I don't get it. Perhaps I'm not meant to run or not meant to train for races. It could be that I just need to hang up my smelly running shoes and take up water ballet instead (kidding). I've heard all of the words of encouragement - "it's not your time right now" or "things happen for a reason", etc. but I'm not entirely buying into them. Maybe I am trying to force something that isn't meant to be and I just need to let it go. Ordinarily, I am a patient person - painfully patient sometimes- but it is wearing thin. I know that waiting can be worthwhile and I have learned that in the past but, geeze, how many running/training setbacks do I need to endure? All I want to do is run. Sounds simple enough, don't ya agree? I'm not asking to qualify for the Boston Marathon, to take first place in my age group or to finish in the top 50 participants. I just want to be trained well enough to run a decent race that feels comfortable to my body and spirit. And right now, both feel broken.
For now, I am just going to take this day by day. I will try to get over this boogery-coughing crap and then go from there. Maybe I do need to learn when to say when. I plan on evaluating whether or not my racing days are over but I will make that decision when my head isn't in a fog....and my nose isn't raw.