The Edge

“It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” - Sir Edmund Hillary

“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.” - Confucious

I feel like I am on the edge of doing wonderful things. I visualize myself up on my tip-toes reaching towards something great and my fingertips graze it but I can't quite grasp it to pull it towards me.  Sometimes the more I reach, the more off balance I get and have to start over again in my quest to reach "it".  "It" is several things for me right now.  "It" is a more challenging job where I am valued, a healthier lifestyle, finding more time to do the things I love, improving my running abilities and doing more for others.  Those are all the things that are important to me.  When I look at the list typed out before me, they don't seem so unattainable yet when I try to do those things in my real life, they aren't quite as easy to come by. 

Perhaps I don't apply myself enough to my endeavors.  Maybe if I tried harder or dedicated more time to running, I would improve.  I remember what it was like when I trained for my marathon a few years ago.  I spent a lot of time alone and missed out on a lot of things because of my training schedule.  I missed dinners with friends, spending time with my dogs (at the time, I only had my two little dogs), weekends with my family and much more.  And in the end, I didn't get to run the race.  But I improved so much as a runner during those months of solo running and training.  I suppose it's really a decision I need to make about what I want and what I am willing to sacrifice to get it.  I remember having to be concerned about what I was eating and when so I would have the proper energy store for my 18 mile long run. Or not being able to go on a super-charged shopping spree the day before a long run because I wanted to make sure my legs and feet were rested properly.  And going to bed early to be ready for my 5 am training run.  Was it worth it?  At the time it sure seemed like it was.

Being on the edge of so much possibility is exciting.  Ultimately, where I go and what I do is up to me.  I get to decide how to make it all happen and that is the hard part.  There aren't ever enough hours in the day for me to do it all.  I like to think that my family and friends will understand if I am out of pocket because I have a long run bright and early on a Saturday morning or because I am working on a writing project or doing volunteer work.  Maybe keeping myself more involved in the things that I truly love will keep me from focusing on the negativity (i.e., my job).  My goal is to try to fill my days with things that I deem as valuable.  And even if I don't get to touch on ALL things that I feel are important on a daily basis, I will at least be edging closer to reaching some of my goals.  Gotta keep moving onward and upward.

Happy Trails,

Valeka