Sunday, March 27, 2011


I've mentioned before that I'm an imperfect runner.  I'm also an imperfect human.  I know that in order for me to lose the weight that has seemingly crept up on me, I must:
 1 - Work out
 2 - Eat healthy
 3 - Get plenty of rest

Normally, at least two of these things happen on a regular basis but I am human and don't always do what is best for me.  When I'm sad, angry or overwhelmed, I eat.  Yes, I am a stress eater.  My "favorite" vices are cheeseburgers, pizza and chocolate.  When I run on a regular basis I don't eat those things because I recognize that I need to eat healthy to be able to perform.  When I haven't run in a long time and am struggling to get off the sofa, I eat poorly.  I mindlessly inhale so many pieces of chocolate that before I know it, I've eaten all of the hand-dipped gourmet truffles that I bought as my "occasional treat".  I don't think about what I am eating or how much or how bad it is for me - I just down it in mass quantities until I end up in the precarious position of finding that my "fat" clothes are now leaving red marks around my waist from where they are digging into me.  There is nothing like having a bright red outline left where your bra should be - VERY sexy (kidding, of course).  Then my ride on the weight loss roller coaster starts all over again.  I've never liked roller coasters because they make me sick.  They give me headaches and upset my tummy.  The weight loss roller coaster is no different.

After working so hard to lose weight in my previous "life", I learned to use my workouts as an outlet for anything that was stressing me.  I viewed food as fuel to help my body perform at the level I was requiring it to.  I ate clean and healthy 90% of the time.  So how did I fall back into such a terrible pattern of stress eating and inactivity again?  Good question.  It's a question I'm still trying to answer.  I can be very disciplined in my eating habits and can get very hardcore about the intensity of my workouts.  I know how to lose weight.  I've done it several times throughout my life and I am very good at it.  What I am NOT good at is keeping it off.  Once the honeymoon with my new, fit body is over - I relax.  I think it won't hurt me to eat a double cheeseburger with fries and not exercise one day because I can always make up for it the next.  And then the next day rolls around and something else becomes a barrier and once again, I put off my work out or make myself believe that it's okay that I had that extra scoop of ice cream.  That's how I have ended up at a size 18 again.  So how do I keep from repeating this pattern?  I have no answer but when I find it, I will let you know.  In life, we are dealt only so many second chances and I need to realize that this may be my last one to get to a healthy weight.  For now, I'm going to take it day by day and try to keep my imperfect human body running.

Happy Trails,

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