Something New

It's essential to keep an open mind, and to be willing - better yet, eager - to try new things - Michael Abrash

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there - Will Rogers

This week, I had the pleasure of meeting up with an old friend ("E") that I haven't seen since high school (trust me when I say it has been a while!).  It was a wonderful visit and I am so happy to have reconnected with him after so long.  We talked about how we are going through a similar transition in life and how sometimes we need to let go of the things that bind us or keep us from being our authentic selves.  He recently left his job and is now doing what he is passionate about - helping others get fit and healthy.  

Our conversation turned to me and my health, my weight gain and my lack of exercise.  I mentioned how there are several things "binding" me right now and one of them is my body.  We discussed how after doing all the half marathon and marathon training I felt burnt out and took time off.  My time away from running was only supposed to be for 4 months but it has now turned into 2+ years.  I told him that I DO exercise but I am far from consistent.  We talked about my eating habits which, overall, weren't too terrible but we agreed that I do need to limit the eating out.  E could hear that I was making an effort to get healthy.  He knows that I am anxious to get back to my regular athletic self but understands that I don't want to have to run 50 miles a week to maintain it because, as I have proven to myself in the past, it's not something I can sustain.  Now, I still want to run an ultramarathon at some point because it's something that I have dreamt of doing but I know that the level of training needed is not something I can realistically continue for a prolonged period of time.  Long story short, E is going to help me make the changes in my diet and supplement intake to get my weight down (because he believes that I am vitamin/mineral deficient and that is causing my body to not lose weight as it should.  I kinda suspected that or a thyroid issue.  A thyroid check is on my to-do list).  

I'm very excited about this new program because I think it will help me and that it will alleviate a lot of the frustrations I have with my body not being able to perform as I would like it to.  One thing he did say that I was not too thrilled about was....we are going to limit the running at the beginning of the program.  He wants me to do lots of walking although he did okay running perhaps once a week.  In all honesty, these days I am lucky to even be able to run 3-4 miles continuously so I guess cutting back isn't a big deal.  The idea that there is going to be a limitation set on the running felt like a jab to my heart though.  We are setting this up so that it's not a chore or inconvenient for me.  When I was training my hardest, my life was monopolized by running and if I wasn't running, I was cooking and prepping foods for the week (strict diet).  I had to be very disciplined and organized.  The level of commitment I had was pretty impressive, if I do say so myself, but I missed out on life while I was doing that.  I don't want being healthy/fit and having a life to be an either or thing and E totally gets that.  The plan he is putting together for me is all about moderation, simplicity and balance.  I like the sound of that and I can't wait to get started.  A glimmer of hope!

Happy Trails!

Valeka 

Lessons vs. Mistakes

It is much easier at all times to prevent an evil than to rectify mistakes.- George Washington

All men may err; but he that keepeth not his folly, but repenteth, doeth well; but stubbornness cometh to great trouble. - Sophocles

This week, I was far more consistent with my work outs.  I managed to get in a zumba class, a 4 mile walk at Town Lake and multiple 30 minute trail walks.  It helped my energy level and my ability to handle some stressful situations that popped up during the week.  I'm moving more which is a step in the right direction BUT, I am still falling very short in the healthy eating department.  I keep repeating the same mistakes when it comes to what I eat.  I am aware that I am eating poorly and that ultimately the decisions I make will impact me later in life but I do it anyway.  I don't understand why we continually hurt ourselves with bad choices when we KNOW that it isn't the wisest thing for us.  If given the choice between a cupcake and a bowl of berries, I will pick the least healthy option just about every time.  I have always believed that mistakes are lessons in disguise and without them, there can be no progression in life.  So what does it mean when we willingly give in to the same set of circumstances and repeat the same mistake over and over again?  Does it mean that we are content with our current state of being?  Or does it mean that we are regressing because we are not doing anything to improve our life?  Something to consider and applicable to so many aspects of one's life.

Today's agenda includes a trip to the grocery store to buy some healthy eating options.  I'm hoping that will keep me from eating garbage because my selections at home will be healthier.  My plan is to go back to my mostly raw diet (although I detest the word "diet" and prefer to think of it as a "lifestyle").  I need to retrain my brain to seek out those foods instead of the fatty/salty/sugary things I have been eating.  One of the things that helped me tremendously in my previous weight-loss ventures was giving myself a day to eat whatever I wanted without guilt.  It allowed me the opportunity to have the things I really love and not feel that I was undoing all of the good I did for my body during the week.  It kept me from making some big mistakes.  I am trying to treat each of my meals as a lesson in making better choices for myself.  My hope is that by improving those decisions, I will also find it easier to make better choices in other parts of my life as well (i.e., the job situation).  I have to start with showing myself some tough love.  I know what I need to do to succeed and I need to keep myself from deviating from that mindset.  The last thing I want is to be one of those people that keeps running around in circles making the same screw ups but can't seem to figure out why things aren't changing.  My thought for myself (and for you) this week will be "learn the lesson, move on and do not repeat".  We can do it.

Happy Trails,

Valeka  

Gorge

You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there. - Edwin Louis Cole

Not to have control over the senses is like sailing in a rudderless ship, bound to break to pieces on coming in contact with the very first rock. - Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi
 

Rule your mind or it will rule you. - Horace

For the past few months, the thing that I do for 8 hours of my daily life (also known as my "job") has had me down.  I am very dissatisfied with work and it is at a point where I dread weekday mornings and occasionally find myself crying because I can't tolerate it.  I know crying doesn't solve anything and I'm not usually a crier but when the tears come, it's hard to stop the waterworks.  My job is my "stressor".  And when I find myself feeling like this, I eat.  Actually, the word "eat" doesn't even begin to describe what I do.  I gorge myself.  I inhale mass quantities of sugary, salty or fatty foods.  Lately, I find myself having a penchant for sweets - cupcakes, ice cream, candy.  I've mentioned before that I am a stress eater.  I try to avoid doing it but when I am stressed or upset,  I give in and eat everything that I know I shouldn't.  My brain tells me not to eat the nachos or pizza or greasy burger and to put down the soda - but I do it anyway.  It's like any other addiction - it satisfies for the moment and then it leaves one feeling empty and disillusioned once the effects have worn off.  I don't like that I am doing this and I especially don't like that I am doing it because of something that I deem as negative to begin with (the job).  And I am certainly smart enough to know that I shouldn't sacrifice my health and well-being for a less than satisfactory job but yet, here I sit writing this while I eat a candy bar and wash it down with soda after a dinner of fried chicken tenders and fries.
 

A very close friend of mine pointed out that there is a lot that is right in my life and she is absolutely right.  There are a LOT of wonderful things in my life and I am beyond grateful for them.  I do try very hard to focus on the good and most of the time, those thoughts carry me through the hard times.  But when more than half of my waking life every weekday is spent doing something I don't like, it is hard to think of anything else.  So how do I solve this problem?  I'm not sure.  I try to contend with my binges by taking extra walks to compensate for the extra food or to  get out of the house so I can keep away from the junk food but I know that this is no way to deal with the problem long-term.  I do need to figure out how to end this pattern.  Eating poorly wreaks havoc on my energy levels which in turn makes me inactive.  It's not just an observation or theory on my part.  There are plenty of books out there that document how eating junk food causes hormone disruption and insulin resistance.  So I'm not imagining what my body is feeling or that I get sluggish and don't want to move.  You eat garbage; you feel like garbage.  And when you feel that way, it's hard to get motivated to do things - even those things that you love.  Running is one of my loves but right now, it feels like a significant other that I am having problems connecting with.  And that bothers me.  I don't want to lose one of the loves of my life because I am having problems controlling my stress eating.  I know that channeling my frustrations in a more positive way is the only thing that is going to help me.  Forcing myself to get off of the sofa and out the door is one of the few ways I can think of to make me feel better.  And I am trying, I really am trying.  And I will keep on trying.  I kinda have to but something has gotta give. 

Happy Trails,
Valeka